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Thursday, 05 February 2009

  • Cancer basically sucks.

    My dad has cancer. I'm sick of not being able to help him. I'm tired of wondering if he's gonna make it. I hate seeing him so tired out. I just want us all to go back home. I'm sick of snow. I'm sick of being here. I'm just sick of it all.

    But who am I to complain? I still have so much. Theres so many people around the world praying for my family and I. But sometimes I just feel so alone. I just want a friend to be here with me. To distract me. To help ease the pain and lonliness.

    I want a hand to hold. I just want a friend. So much right now. I'm tired of being alone.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

  • Bipolar

    so I'm begining to think I have a really spastic form of bipolar... 'cause like... most bipolar people have highs that last for a few weeks..and then lows that last for a few weeks... I have highs that last a day...or lows that last.. a few hours... and it's not just like.. up&down...it's like REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLLY [best heard in a high pitched voice] high then suddenly REEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLY low... I go back on things I was depressed...and can't but laugh. SOOO over emotional... it's sad really. Like..even my last blog entry...I can't help but sit and laugh and be all...wooooooow am I really that whiny? haha. ok..so this really has no point at like all...but then again..I suppose it doesn't matter as no one ever reads these anyways haha. ^^

     

    love ya

    ciao

Saturday, 27 December 2008

  • I can't

    I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you.
    Or how broken my heart feels.
    I can't tell you how much it hurts knowing I'm missing out on your lives.
    Knowing I'm wasting mine.
    I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be mad but not know who or what at.
    I can't tell you how hard it is to see someone you love deteriorate.
    I can't tell you how much I hate telling you I'm alright.
    I can't tell you how much it hurts when I lie to you about how I'm doing.
    I hope you see through it all.
    I can't tell you how much I want to cut.
    I can't tell you how mad I get at myself for feeling the way I feel.
    I can't tell you how mad I get at people who get depressed over really stupid things.
    I can't tell you how much I wish I could yell at people and tell them to open their eyes to what they have.
    I can't tell you how I feel like my heart is ripping.
    I can't tell you how much it hurts when you get frustrated at me for not being in school.
    I can't tell you how much I need to get away.
    I can't tell you that I'm going insane.
    I can't tell you that I hide every day.
    I can't tell you how often I enter this numb state.
    I can't tell you how afraid I am that the numb state will take over.
    I can't tell you how over dramatic I find myself.
    I can't tell you how everyday is a struggle.
    I can't tell you how much I miss my room.
    I can't tell you how much I miss my house.
    I can't tell you how much I miss my country.
    I can't tell you how much I miss everything.
    I can't tell you how hard it is holding onto God.
    I can't tell you that theres hope.
    I can't tell you how broken I am.
    I can't tell you how I'm so afraid of breaking my mom
    I can't tell you how I refuse to let them see
    I can't tell you how I refuse to let anyone see
    I can't tell you how much I'm hating myself
    I can't tell you how lonely I feel
    I can't tell you how empty I feel
    I can't tell you how I don't understand how I get through the day
    I can't tell you that it's really not that hard
    I can't tell you its hard.
    I can't tell you anything.

     

    but I wish I could.

Saturday, 22 November 2008

  • Reasons Why I don't like Edward Cullen

    With all this Twilight craze going on, why not vent my thoughts about it?
    You'll find this is more about Twilight than it is Edward, but oh well =)

    1. HE'S IN LOVE WITH HIS FOOD
    does anyone else find it wrong, that he's madly in love and at the same time has to resist devouring Bella? Honestly, I find it slightly disturbing that he's in love with her. Through out the book he struggles with not eating her. Maybe I'm dense, but I can't wrap my mind around falling in love with something you want to eat. Have you ever had romantic feelings towards chocolate? If you have, I think you need counseling =) Edward&Bella are the same, she's his 'favourite flavour' [if I recall correctly that's how the book worded it] yet, he's in love with her.....I just...don't...get it.

    2. HE'S MUCH TOO OLD FOR BELLA
    Although he may be 17 physically, mentally/maturity wise, he's like your grandfather. Sure, he may not be falling apart and wrinkly, but his mind is OLDER than your grandpa... and..he's in love with a 17 year old girl... -shudder- bleck, sicko

    3. BELLA DOESN'T DOUBT HIM ONE BIT
    ok, ok, ya, they love each other..but dude, she just accepts the fact that he's a vampire, doesn't find it strange in the least. I'd say he's hypnotizing her to gain her trust so he can EAT HER!! I can picture it now -fades out into alternate version of Twilight- Once upon a time, in the town of Forks, a girl met a boy. This boy was very moody, and quite confusing, so the girl decides to investigate him. After hard, long hours of work, she discovers he's a vampire, instead of being afraid, doubting, or anything else that a mentally well person would be, she just accepts it. Little did she know, that the boy had her under his mind control. And that night, he ate her! -end- [I actually much like my version] anyways, couldn't she have been a little doubtful, and then he reassured her? Wouldn't that make their relationship more intimate? Instead of all that mooshy crap girls are swooning over?

    4. BELLA IS UTTERLY PATHETIC
    This really bugs me about her, she's a complete Mary-Sue, how many times, in the first book does she get into trouble, or get hurt, or have some complication? How is it possible she made it as far as she did? And how much does she complain about her looks? What is Meyer trying to teach all these preteens!? Shouldn't the herione be brace, confident, and believe in herself? Shouldn't the girl of the "amazing" Twilgiht series be someone girls can look up to? We all know many girls want to be her. What is Bella teaching them to be like.....

    5. EVERYONE HATES JACOB
    why? poor Jacob, so he tries to come in between Edward and Bella, wouldn't that be what a good friend does if he thinks his best friend is falling in love with a blood sucking monster? and Ya, he has a temper problem, but he's a teenage guy with raging hormones, plus he's a werewolf..don't you think that would call for a bit of pity? Honestly, I don't like the idea of Jacob&Bella..and I'm sure very few of you do, but you shouldn't hate him so much..sheesh, the poor puppy.

    6. IT'S A FEMALE VERSION OF PORN
    How many times does Bella swoon, how many times does the book describe Edwards looks.... how long does it take before the book actually has a freaking plot................FOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEVER. I have this theory, that girls like the twilight series because it's a lot like porn. "Edward touches my forehead, and my stomach cartwheels!" ..or something along those lines, how many girls felt their stomach's do cartwheels when they read lines like that? How many times did your heart flutter [that's such an odd mental image] while reading this book. Perhaps THAT'S why you liked it, not so much the quality...

    7. EDWARD IS TOO SWEET
    it's cheesy.lots the specialness.end of story

    I could go on for just about ever on this topic,
    but I think I'll spare you
    what do you guys think about this book?
    Love it? Hate it?
    Do tell
    ^^

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

  • you're gonna miss this

    She was staring out the window of their SUV
    Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
    She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
    Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
    Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

    You're gonna miss this
    You're gonna want this back
    You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
    These are some good times
    So take a good look around
    You may not know it now
    But you're gonna miss this

    Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
    In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
    He tells her "It's a nice place"
    She says "It'll do for now"
    Starts talking about babies and buying a house
    Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down"

    Cause you're gonna miss this
    You're gonna want this back
    You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
    These are some good times
    So take a good look around
    You may not know it now
    But you're gonna miss this

    Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
    Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
    One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
    And she keeps apologizin'
    He says "They don't bother me.
    I've got 2 babies of my own.
    One's 36, one's 23.
    Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

    You're gonna miss this
    You're gonna want this back
    You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
    These are some good times
    So take a good look around
    You may not know it now
    But you're gonna miss this"

    another wonderful song =)

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  • DominiqueMarie5
    keep all of the pieces of my heart; it may be torn up and broken in two. but it was yours from the start, and will always belong to you. the day you took my hand, and told me i was your one, the day i had to understand, this wasnt love, only fun. granted it was with our hearts, we played a gam